Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
