i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
