I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
