Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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