she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
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I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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