He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
