yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
