Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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