I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
