9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
