Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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