Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
