i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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