On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
