Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
