so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
