You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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