That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
