is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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