It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
