She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
