you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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