Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
