Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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