those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
