One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
