the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
