i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
