I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
