I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
