Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
