Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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