you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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