Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
