If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
