it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Im part way to drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
