I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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