i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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