She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
