I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
