she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
