two words: eviction party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
