I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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