We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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