I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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