Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
