Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
