Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
