I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize