It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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