we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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