yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
