I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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