oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
