oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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