Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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