I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
