No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
