My friends, they love my intelligence
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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