i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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