I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
