Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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