amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
