I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
