no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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