Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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